(...and how do they hold us back from achieving our goals?)
When it comes to setting goals, our progress is generally compromised by three key components: (1) Limiting beliefs; (2) Trapped emotions; and/or (3) Conflicting values.
While these categories are not exhaustive, they enable a common vocabulary about the internal roadblocks that prevent us from achieving our desired results. For those who may be new to these terms, below is a brief introduction which provides a starting point for understanding what these concepts refer to and the preliminary steps for working through the various blocks to achieving our goals.
So, let's get started:
LIMITING BELIEFS
A ‘limiting belief’ is a belief we either consciously or unconsciously hold about ourselves, the people around us or a situation which reduces our ability to achieve something or minimises who we are . When we hold such a belief about ourselves, it often takes the format of “I am not [………] enough”. Similarly, when held about a situation or another person, these beliefs characteristically include absolute terms such as ‘never’ or ‘always’ which inhibit our ability to consider alternative ways of thinking.
When striving to achieve something new or outside of our comfort zone, humans can sometimes be faced with thoughts such as “I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not capable enough, I am not resourceful enough, I am not attractive enough, I not worthy enough…” and the list goes on. Most of the time when we hold these types of beliefs about ourselves, they are rooted in an old pattern that has repeated in our lives or internal/external messages which have been reinforced during our formative years growing up. The same is the case for limiting beliefs we hold about others and situations.
In this way, limiting beliefs are what hold a lot of us back in achieving our goals and the first step to overcoming them is self-awareness. The second step is doing the internal work to unpack ‘why, where and how’ they came to be, and the third step is identifying all the ways in which these beliefs no longer serve us today. Perhaps we have a limiting belief that was true at one point in our past and is no longer. Perhaps it was never true to begin with. Perhaps it was a story we unconsciously made up because it allowed us to stay in our comfort zone or helped us to feel safe and in control in a specific situation.
No matter the reason, while our limiting beliefs may feel very real to us, they are usually not based in our present reality and are most often a product of our past. If we continue punishing ourselves with them, they have the power to completely derail our progress towards our goals. Consequently, liberating ourselves from these kinds of beliefs is one of the most effective ways to catapult ourselves towards our dreams with less anxiety and more confidence.
Find out a little more about limiting beliefs and how to change them in the video below.
NB. It is not uncommon for individuals with a diagnosed mental illness to also experience limiting beliefs. These types of beliefs can present differently depending on the nature of one's diagnosis and have varying impacts. When living with a mental illness, it can be helpful to explore medical and mental health care planning supports with your GP or licensed medical professional to ensure supports are tailored for personal health circumstances.
TRAPPED EMOTIONS
Similar to limiting beliefs, a ‘trapped emotion’ is another type of internal roadblock that is generally an unconscious emotional response triggered by a prior experience which has caused us to feel a powerful negative emotion. In this way, emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety, shame, overwhelm, guilt and discomfort are some of the most common trapped emotions. When we have an event occur in our lives which causes us significant emotional pain, it often leaves an exaggerated impression in our memory. This being the case, we usually store it away to ‘learn a lesson’ and avoid a repeat of the experience. This occurs in much the same way that we learn as children not to touch a hot kettle more than once, so we do not continue to get burned.
Sometimes on the road to achieving our goals we can be triggered by a trapped emotion if on some level we fear that the effort to get where we want to be, may render us vulnerable to experiencing a similar emotional pain to something we have suffered in the past. Blocks of this nature can cause us significant discomfort and can be a bit harder to clear out on our own. Hence, working with an accredited coaching, counselling, mental health or healing professional often adds value here as it allows for a level of objectivity and perspective which can help us more clearly see our emotions for what they are and guide our healing.
However, once again, the first step to clearing a trapped emotion is the self-awareness that comes from tuning into the feelings within our body in response to the thoughts, actions and reactions we have in the world. If we think about our goal and something deeply scares us, or we have a strong physical or emotional reaction, it could be a red flag that there may be a trapped emotion holding us back. Once we identify this, the second step is to ascertain whether it would benefit us to have the help of a professional to clear it. If at any point we are dealing with trapped emotions rooted in complex trauma, then it always helps for us to have support on the journey to healing. When we are reflecting on whether to reach out for help or not, a good litmus test is always asking ourselves, "What would I advise my best friend if they came to me with this problem?" The answer always tells us what we ought to know and can be useful for deciding on next steps.
Find out a little more about trapped emotions and how they come to be in the video below.
CONFLICTING VALUES
On the other hand, a conflicting value is where we have a contradiction between the goal we are seeking to achieve and something else within us which serves as a barrier to progress. These types of value conflicts can be both conscious and unconscious, but commonly entail a competing idea of 'secondary gain' where some form of benefit is attached to us not taking the necessary steps to achieve our goal.
In simple terms, when we believe there are advantages from an unwanted condition, circumstance, or limitation in our lives, we have secondary gain at play. Often, when this occurs, we perceive there is a benefit in not overcoming our problems. This doesn't necessarily equate to us believing that our problems are a positive thing in our lives, but on some level we value certain advantages that come from having them. Thus, it becomes more beneficial for us to keep our problems, rather than to overcome them. Similarly, instead of achieving our goals, we perceive there is benefit in inaction or in keeping with the status quo.
For example, if our goal is to get healthy and lose weight, but every time we think about going on a diet, we remember we will need to sacrifice the sense joy we experience when we consume our favourite ice cream - then it is likely to hinder our progress. In this scenario, the sense of secondary gain here (whether conscious or unconscious) is about remaining 'diet-free' as it allows us to continue indulging in our favourite sweet treat that makes us feel good! Furthermore, if we equate happiness and fulfilment with consuming a food that prevents us from losing weight, then it causes us to question how positive the experience will be to diet and be healthy in the first place.
While we may value being healthy in this situation, we value the happiness and fulfilment we currently gain from being unrestricted in our diet too. If we fear our happiness and fulfilment may diminish if we are forced to give up ice cream and live a healthier lifestyle, then it may not be so simple to give it up. This is especially the case if ice cream happens to be our primary source of instant gratification in life (considering it may take a while before we can tangibly see the rewards of the diet).
Consequently, our two competing values of health versus happiness will undermine our success every time we attempt to diet should this scenario play out in reality. That is, unless we can find a way to deconflict these values. We could potentially do this by linking our goal of good health to an even greater sense of happiness and fulfillment than we get from eating our favourite ice cream. Alternatively, we could reach a compromise regarding what food items we choose to sacrifice as part of the diet and try to meet in the middle by reducing our intake of ice cream, but not eliminating it entirely. This would help us to reprogram our brain so that we no longer believe being on diet = being miserable. Either way, this simple example provides insight into how conflicting values can cause us to feel confused and hinder the achievement of our goals unless we do the work to identify and resolve them.
Doing the work often starts with identifying the values we have attributed to our goals and comparing these to the value we have been placing on inaction up to this point. Once we have mastered this step, we can pinpoint the areas of conflict and methodically work through the deconfliction process. Whether we are doing this on our own or with help from a professional, it can often take some time (so patience and self-compassion are key). However, the good news is that doing this work regularly leads to huge breakthroughs and a better understanding of who we are, in addition to greater alignment to what we believe in.
Find out a little more about values conflict and how to resolve them in the video below.
Ultimately, it is always within our power to overcome the barriers posed by limiting beliefs, trapped emotions and conflicting values when striving for our goals. We simply must have the internal drive to take the first step of self-awareness and have the courage to ask for help if we discover we need it. While this can often seem like an incredibly challenging thing to do, it is actually the bravest form of self-love there is. Considering that our self worth is the foundation of achieving what we dream of, it makes sense to start today.
DISCLAIMER: The content in this article represents the individual ideas of the writer alone and outlines general advice only. It does not replace individual, independent or personal advice, mental health treatment and/or crisis support. Coaching does not prevent, cure, or treat any mental health disorder and does not substitute for therapy from a licensed professional if necessary. Should you require emergency crisis support, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or see your GP to discuss a mental health care plan which can help you access the support you need.